Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
