I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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