I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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