It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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