if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
