So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
