he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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