someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
