my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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