Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
