hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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