loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
