this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
