OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
