Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
