we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
