Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
