the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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