tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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