I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
