Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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