i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
