I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
