Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So squirting runs in the family.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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