from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
