I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
