We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
