what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
