I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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