This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
