so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
