Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
