What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
