you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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