If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
