My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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