suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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