Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
