i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
