Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
