I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
