dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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