Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
4 words: hood of his car
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
