if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So drunk its hurt
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
