First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
