apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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