So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
