Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
