Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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