watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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