Nicole vs. Life
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
