new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
